An open letter to Aubrey, the secret fiancée

Do you remember

that awful week—

the cold,

losing your voice,

sick as a dog?

Your handsome fiancé...

The day before that week began,

I ran into him.

Yes, yes, he was already with you.

You know how he gets—madly in love—

after two or three drinks at the pub.

So, I rented the most prestigious suite

and made love to him.

He was going wild for it.

But right at the moment of his multiple climaxes,

I stopped dead.

I got up—

while he was still in the throes of ecstasy—

"You're leaving?"

I opened my bag,

flung $6,868.40

right in his face, and told him:

"There—now you've actually paid for your one-night-stand hooker."

Yes, he's been hooked ever since...

And I just walked out on him.

That makes four hearts broken.

Kisses, darling.

and you know where to reach me

I'll send you the photos

and yeah, he thought I was going to draw him

take good care of it

from the bottom of my heart, thanks for taking this piece of trash off my hands

I can't thank you enough

also, when it burns, it's an STD

transmitted by a man

his whore

have a good Sunday.